


For all its worth

by orphan_account



Series: Merlin [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Merlin, Gen, Kinda, also Gwen flirts with merlin, always-a-girl! merlin, based on the first episode, i have warned you, merlin is a girl, really not the same, the word damn shows up allot, which means that its really not the same as the canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:25:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin’s life was not filled with mystery she knew her story, she knew she had strong magic, she knew her talents and she knew no matter what she did her adoptive mother would never see past her clumsy outside</p>
            </blockquote>





	For all its worth

Merlin’s life was not filled with mystery she knew her story, she knew she had strong magic, she knew her talents and she knew no matter what she did her adoptive mother would never see past her clumsy outside and therefore would never allow her to be a part of the performance even though all her life Merlin had been one of the best in their traveling circus not that it was much of a circus it was more of a band of outcasts turned into performers, Merlin also knew her real mother and had met her once when parading through a small town she had seen the lonely woman standing in a doorway and had just known that it was her, even though Merlin looked nothing like her real mother. her hair being long black and smooth falling gently down her back and her skin pale as moon light which if you asked Merlin was a curse that made her look sickly all year round as her skin stood out against her black hair but where Merlin was all these her real mother seemed to be the opposite with wild curly brown hair and skin made golden from working outside in the sun Merlin too worked outside but no matter what her skin remained sickly pale the only thing they had that resembled each other was their eyes and even those were different for were Merlin’s were a kind of stormy electric blue her mothers were darker and more solemn though as they had ridden trough the town she had seen them light up as they fell on her and for what felt like an hour Merlin had felt at home though not even that could last, as the rode further away Merlin could not stop thinking of what could have been had her real mother accepted her as her daughter it was not until they had reached their destination that Merlin realized she knew not even of her real mothers name only that in that moment that their eyes had meet she had reached out with her magic to feel her mother’s magic and she had felt no magic there not even a small presence of it and that out of all the things she could be sad about made her the saddest, it took her weeks to move on from that sadness but having a job to do in their small circus helped her out of it more than anything else could do and even though the job was simple and not at all that interesting or entertaining it was something she could concentrate on and as years passed so did the sadness.

On Merlin’s 18 years birthday they rode to Camelot to perform and though there were many a magic users in their circus it was never something to show off in a city like Camelot and though most of their people had magic it was never something they showed in their shows though even without it there still were the incidents where a poor soul from their circus would be taken away magic or no magic gypsies where not always welcome in some towns, Merlin had seen this first hand as her adoptive mother whom had been one of the sweetest and bravest people Merlin knew had been taken in, and burned before her very eyes, the image of her burning and screaming at the stake was still hunting Merlin to this day. But onwards they rode Merlin in the lead as they neared a turn on the road the sight that met her was nothing if not the most beautiful castle she had ever seen it was place on top of what might once have been a mountain but what was now just a part of the castle making the castle look bigger and more beautiful than any other castle Merlin had ever seen, a small wind rushed past her from behind as if beckoning her forward towards the castle it brought a feeling of utter joy in Merlin and she could not hold back a wide grin not that she even tried holding it back as she raced forward in what felt faster than she had ever ridden in her life, only coming to a halt in front of the great gates of Camelot to wait for the rest of the caravans and enjoy the most spectacular view, from the gates you could see where the road was swallowed by the forest and the people working on farms she could even see sheep peacefully wandering around on the far plains of the land and Merlin thought that if this is what it looks like outside of the gates of Camelot she could hardly wait to get inside the gates.

 

It was hell, setting up their tent always was but something was just off with this place the people here looked at her like they had never seen a woman in tunic and trousers before some even stopped and pointed at her, so when Will said they needed water she had been happy to go get it just to get away from all the stares and the pointing, so Merlin walked not really thinking where she was going and before she knew it she was lost she had somehow gotten herself carried off with a group of people she had thought were going to the circus but apparently not, as she now stood in the middle of the group looking up at a balcony that apparently had the king on it not that Merlin could see a thing from where she was standing it was not until the man on the balcony started talking that she realized what was going on if she shifted a little to the right she could just glimpse a scene a little like the one they used in their circus only this one was not at all like the one they used this one had a small frightened man on it and beside him a bigger much more muscular man with an axe, in front of both of them was a chopping block and Merlin knew what was going to happen before the king had even given the order, her stomach turned with the sudden sick feeling she got and she had to clasp her hand over her mouth as not to empty her stomach right then and there, and that was when the order was given and the axe fell, the lifeless body of the man fell to the ground and a scream was released and Merlin could have sworn that had she not gotten her hand clasped so hard over her mouth that it was her screaming, but it was a older woman and she was screaming curses, insults and plans of revenge at the king before disappearing in a cloud of smoke, Merlin stood there stunned until the people around her slowly making their way home or back to their business all the while not at all affected by what had just happened and Merlin thought to herself, this city is sick, before running over to a far away corner of a wall to empty her stomach, sick, she thought.

When Merlin finally found a well she was tired lost and hungry also very nauseated and the heavy bucket of water did not help on her already bad mood so when she saw some knights picking on a small boy something in her just snapped she placed the bucket down and stalked towards the group of bullies, 

She reached them just as the small boy dropped the shield he was struggling to hold up, the boy falling to the ground and the shield rolling in over in her direction Merlin placed her foot on it stopping it because why the hell not she was wearing trousers and there for had the freedom to move like she wanted to, damn the stares of the people,

“I think that’s enough my friend” Merlin said trying to at least be friendly and end this bullying in a good way that didn’t involve punching their faces in with a shield. Unfortunately that was when one of the bullies turned out to be the biggest prat in the world and unfortunately for Merlin whom had tried to punch his face in, the prat turned out to be a royal prat. 

Merlin’s first night in Camelot was also her first night in a prison cell.  
When Merlin awoke the next day to a voice calling her name she began to doubt her own sanity but only for a minute because when you live in a world of magic users its actually not that rare to hear voices, then again this was Camelot and apparently Camelot was full of non magical prats and apparently also ruled by them, and god why hadn’t she realized the biggest prat was the prince?, but clearly prince prat deserved a telling to and if nobody else were going to do it she might as well, it was not like she would ever see him again in her life, thank god.

A cough brought her out of her internal rant, Merlin turned around and found a old man standing on the other side of the prison bars he looked oddly apprehensive about something even though he didn’t look like one of the people who were afraid of gypsies if anything he kind of looked like one of the old wizards Merlin had met on her trips around the countries except he was missing a beard and looked absolutely harmless.  
“You are an idiot” Merlin’s eyes widened at the first words the old man spoke  
“excuse me?” Merlin knew she was standing there like an idiot but really, who could blame her? This old guy just seemed full of surprises,  
“your friend Will told me you went missing while getting water, but really you went and insulted prince Arthur, you must be an idiot” now the older man just sounded amused and even had a small smile on his face,  
“I am Merlin by the way” Merlin said walking forward to shake hands with the older man, when she was small she had been told not to greet people this way as it was mostly men who used handshake but Merlin had blissfully ignored the elders whom told her to bow and just went with the handshake instead, people whom could not see her as an equal were people she didn’t want to know, and therefore when the older man shook her hand she smiled, well actually she grinned like an idiot.  
“Hello Merlin, I am the court physician Gaius” Gaius smiled warmly at her and Merlin grinned back,  
“I am also the person who is getting you out of this place” Gaius said almost regretfully  
Merlin grinned wider “thank you, Gaius”.

And that was how Merlin got out of prison and into the stocks, thank you Gaius indeed.

Now the stocks weren’t that bad but apparently the citizens of Camelot were, and so were their fruit and vegetables, fortunately for Merlin they ran out of fruit and vegetables quickly and as they ran to get some more a woman a little older than Merlin approached the stocks she was wearing a reddish dress and a hooded cape she had fair brown skin and soft curls and brown friendly eyes and was very beautiful in a gentle kind of way,  
“Hi I’m Guinevere, but most people call me Gwen” her voice was soft and she seemed to be too nice to be at the stocks to throw things, Merlin couldn’t help it, she liked her already,  
“I’m the lady Morgana’s maid” Gwen said and even though Merlin had never heard of lady Morgana, “alright” Merlin managed to stutter out giving Gwen a goofy grin before trying to reach out to shake hands with Gwen “I’m Merlin” Merlin said grin still in place and shaking Gwen’s hand, Gwen almost bowed but the awkward position Merlin was in made that impossible,  
“But most people just call me idiot” Merlin grinned and Gwen laughed shyly,  
“no. no, I saw what you did, it was brave” Gwen said, but Merlin had spent her night in a prison sleeping on hay and knew how stupid she had acted, “it was so stupid” Merlin admitted she could hear the defeat in her voice and felt even more stupid and zoned out for a moment,  
“..you weren’t going to beat him” Gwen said, and Merlin snapped out of it, oh she could so beat prince prat if she wanted to an told Gwen as much, Gwen seemed unimpressed and Merlin went with a parting joke saying she was in disguise before warning Gwen to step back as her fans clearly were back for another round of who can hit the idiot the most with rotten stuff.

When she finally got out of the stocks her back was aching and she smelled worse than she ever had in her whole life, so she found a well, got some water and washed the worst off before trying to find her way back to the circus camp, when she got back Will was angry and Merlin was not in the mood for a scolding she just wanted to get to her caravan warm some water take a bath make some food with no vegetables and get all the god damned hay out of her hair.

 

Merlin had just gotten out of the bath, which was actually just a big barrel filled with water, when there was a knock on the door, she grappled after some clothes but all she could find was a dancers dress that had been her adoptive mothers when she was still alive pulling it on quickly and ignoring all the noise from the bells and what not that was sewn on it Merlin opened the door to find, not Will, but a knight in the Pendragon colors and everything, Merlin looked at the knight for a whole of five minutes before asking what in the world he wanted, the knight whom stuttering introduced himself as Leon, blushed and said in what might have been an order but it was hard to tell with all the blushing and stuttering going on, that she was wanted to go to the court physician before huffing out something about changing or dresses Merlin couldn’t really tell as the guy was mumbling and also she really didn’t care she put on her leather boots and told Leon to show the way all the while making a racket of clinking noises that was almost musical in her dress, a dress Merlin had forgotten looked quite nice on her female curves.

So when Gaius fell down from the stairs he was standing on it came as a surprise, Merlin on reflex reached out with her magic, slowed the fall down and made Gaius land on his bed, to say it was easy to explain to Gaius that Merlin had magic was an understatement, the man didn’t even believe that she was born with magic, as they talked Merlin found out that Gaius was an old magic user and that as long she held her head low when she was in Camelot everything was going to be just fine, Gaius told her of a letter he had gotten about her from her Mother, her real mother whose name was Hunith, and that the letter told to be careful with letting people near her, and Merlin wondered for the first time in a long time why her mother did what she did and how she knew Gaius, almost as if to distract her Gaius told her about a singer whom was singing at a feast tonight and send her off with a smile and a potion to give to said singer,

Merlin got lost in the labyrinth they called a castle and when she finally found the right room it was empty, she went in anyway and placed the small bottle with yellow liquid on a table, Merlin’s eyes fell on something on a table in a corner of the room, it was a small straw doll when she picked it up she could feel the magic in it and let it fall back on the table when she realized there was a curse on the doll, she let herself take in her surroundings again and discovered an old book very badly hidden, she picked it up and turned some of the pages randomly looking at all the different kinds of magic that was written down crudely in the book when she heard the sound of heels clicking near the door of the room, Merlin quickly put the book back and turned just in time to pick up the bottle and see a petite woman walk in the door looking feisty and angry “what are you doing here” it was a question but she said it like an order and all Merlin could do was stick out the bottle as in surrender, “ I’m here to deliver this” the petite woman looked Merlin up and down before fixing her with a glare Merlin could only compare to her adoptive dad who had been a fierce man and also been the one to show her the ways of the sword training her till he died a gruesome death to the hands of bandits, the petite woman nodded and Merlin left like the devil was on her heels.

Merlin ran out of the castle and was headed to her caravan when a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks, “learned to walk on your knees yet?” she knew she shouldn’t turn around but something in her just said no, do not walk away from this royal prat. Merlin’s fight or flight instinct never was that normal, so she turned around and said,  
“Look I told you, you are an ass I just didn’t realize you were a royal one”  
The look on his face was priceless, as long as it lasted.

Five minutes later Merlin was being chased trough town by the royal highness prince prat what was worse her only weapon was a mace a heavy as the day was long mace, what was even worse than that was the fact that she was wearing a dress, a loud clinking and clanking dress that was made for smooth movements not, oh god I’m being chased by a maniac movements, if there was a dress like that Merlin called dips, she turned a corner and fell onto a small mountain of sacks filled with what was properly cotton, she got up fast and found a broom which was to say the least a way better weapon than the heavy mace, she could do wonders with a sword and she could dance with daggers but give her a mace and watch her fail miserably, 

Just like her prince prat turned the corner and fell onto the sacks of cotton only the mace he was holding fell from his hands, Merlin was fast on her legs, took the mace and threw it away, she turned just in time to face a very pissed off prince whom was without a weapon, before Merlin could even register he had moved in for an attack and they were now fighting for the only weapon the broom, Merlin felt fantastic more so now than she had in years no one really fights a woman like this anymore was her last thought before prince prat literally swept her of her feet and she landed in the arms of some guards and prince prat actually ordered them to let her go and then told her while pointing at her that there was something about her he couldn’t put his finger on,  
Damn him and his royal pratness.

Unfortunately for Merlin Gaius had seen everything including the small bit of magic she had used and she got the biggest telling off of her life not that she wasn’t yelling at him too it was just he didn’t understand that the magic was thrumming in her flesh and blood and she couldn’t just stop doing magic it was her and he didn’t understand, and Merlin didn’t understand why she wanted him to understand, she was having the worst day of her life today, Gaius let her sleep in his extra room she had wanted to get back but it was already curfew by then and she couldn’t be allowed out, she fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow,

Someone was calling her in the middle of the night and now the voice had gotten her curious there was no stopping her so she sneaked downstairs and out she had no idea as to where she was going but the voice clearly had so she followed it down the corridors and down more stairs than Merlin had ever seen in her entire life down and down she went until she meet some guards whom she successfully distracted rather easily all too easily those guards had to have no brains what so ever distracted by moving dices, really!, who was that stupid?

Merlin went further down and down, the voice getting stronger until she stood in the biggest cave she had ever seen and the voice just stopped everything was dark but with a flash of her eyes she made one of the torches hanging on the wall burst into flame not a big flame just enough to see that the cave was even bigger than she had first thought, ”where are you?” Merlin said and just as the words had left her mouth a dragon came flying down, a very big dragon, and it landed right in front of her and answered her question “I am here” it said like they had been playing hide and seek all this time and then it started talking about destiny, Arthur and Merlin apparently being prince prats only way to rule or something Merlin was lost at the part with you must protect the prat of Camelot, and then the dragon flew away leaving Merlin with even more questions and now not only her day was ruined but apparently her whole future involved a prat who could not even let her pass him on the street without calling for a fight and ruin her day.

 

The next day was started with Merlin going to lady Morgana with a potion against nightmares and being mistaken for Gwen by a stunningly beautiful lady Morgana which wasn’t half bad even though how Morgana had mistaken her for Gwen she had no idea but it might have something to do with Morgana ranting about some party or something which frankly was hilarious Merlin had never heard of lady’s in a castle ranting about who takes whom the what party it was all very fun, well it was fun until she was discovered by none other than Gwen herself and that just made it even funnier after that Merlin made her way back to her caravan and changed her clothes to a blue tunic and a pair of trousers put on a red neckerchief and a pair of good boots and went about her day, Gaius had invited her to the party the lady Morgana had been ranting about as a replacement for a wine carrier whom was sick and she actually looked forward to see the lady Morgana in her dress and all the other lady’s of the courts dresses.

 

Merlin was just as stunned as everybody else at Morgana’s dress it was wine red and her jewelry was gold and there was no one who over shone her in beauty next to her Merlin felt like a too tall pale tree with too long black hair, Merlin stared until Gaius ordered her to do her job and she zoned back in, Gwen was by her side smiling warmly and properly admiring her own handy work or just admiring her lady, Merlin would never know, somehow Gwen seemed maybe a little too nice in the I’m interested in being your friend but who was Merlin to judge her only friend for the longest time was Will and he acted weird around her too maybe that was just the normal way people acted, then the trumpets started and she didn’t have time to think of what was what wasn’t she had to find a place to stand and so she did, she found a lovely corner where no one could see her and no one would bother her,

And then the petite woman she had meet before was introduced as Lady Helen a singer and a good one apparently and the show began, 

And slowly every person in the room started falling asleep, everyone except Merlin, she watched as spider webs began appearing all the while holding her hands to her ears blocking as much of the song as possible slowly the room turned dark and everything was covered in spider webs and the lady Helen made her way up to where the king, the prince and the lady Morgana was sitting, the lady Helen then drew a dagger from her sleeve and aimed it at the prince all the while her singing grew louder, Merlin’s eyes fell on the chandelier she willed her magic to cut it loose and with a flash of her eyes Merlin made the chandelier fall upon lady Helen turning her into and old lady and making the sleeping people wake,

There was a moment of confusion as they all woke and in that moment the fake lady Helen with what was her last power threw the knife at the prince, reacting on instinct more than anything else Merlin threw herself on top of the prat who was apparently wasn’t trained right or something because he went down like a sack of potatoes and the knife embedded itself in the chair he was sitting in minutes before and the fake lady Helen fell to the ground dead, 

Merlin got up as fast as she had been falling down leaving a rather distressed looking prince Arthur scrambling to his feet and then suddenly the king was there wide eyed and thankful trying to give her a reward for saving his son and Merlin tried to interrupt him she really did but he would have none of it and before she knew it she had been given a position as his royal pratness’s maid much to the protest of both Merlin and prince prat.

Merlin watched as her only home for eighteen years disappeared into the forest, Will had taken it as well as she thought he would, with a whole lot of yelling and throwing stuff but in the end he had let her keep both her horse and her caravan, not that she was ever going to have time for any of that, what with a prince to look after and all that but it was a nice gesture.

“Merlin!”

Merlin thought of the dragon and about the entire destiny talk it had spewed and thought not for the first time in her life that they could damn well go to hell with their destiny,

She would be making her own destiny thank you very much.

 

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> shall i make more? its my first story about merlin should i write more?
> 
> remember to kudos if you liked it and comment  
> i had no beta or anything for this so if theres any mistakes they are mine.


End file.
